Uncertainty

Hi.

It has been a while.

A long while.

Some jinklings-minklings must have wiped out the memory of me pressing the fast-forward, x100 button using whatever smagicz because I had to be the craziest person on earth to even think of pushing the red button. This definitely calls for some serious investigation!

No, seriously.

So, life got in the way. Days were gone in seconds and months in minutes.

Well, just look at it, half the year is gone.

But sometimes, life slows down and by being situated in the period of calm before the storm (i.e slow/slack day at work), it allows you to self-indulge a little and draft a blog entry talking entirely about you, yourself and yourself. So, hello you.

I feel apologetic sometimes for asking people “How are you?”, “Where have you been?”, “What have you been doing?” because by answering these questions myself, I realize their inadequacy. I obviously and definitely cannot summarize my life for the past six months, a year, two years in 15 minutes of monologue or even a one-hour conversation (and neither can you). But hey, no one is expecting a detailed low-down of everything that transpired for the past X months, days or years right? Or maybe you are. Or maybe I am of you?

I hate not being there and I am sure you wish you were here but the truth is that we cannot be there for everything. Although I missed out on X and you missed out on Y, I am still glad that you shared Z and will be here to share future A, B and Cs. Some people try desperately to record and document our lives in any way they can; in ink, in pixels, in cells so that they would have some proof of the happiness, the sadness, the bewilderedness that they experienced at that one point of time. I used to be those people once and still probably am though with much less zeal than before. The main reason was that I got lazy. The important reason was that I realized that moments of our lives are like runaway kites so I am going to enjoy the process of flying the kite. This is not to say that I give up totally and have a “No Documentation” policy, it just means that I will do it when I do it.

All is not lost yet though, here is some chocolate cake I made on I cannot remember when.

P.S I started writing this post since the 22^nd of June and it is now 22^th of August. Everything except this line is 2 months old. I amaze myself sometimes.

Courage and Strength

Sociology is not for the faint-hearted.

Here’s to all you brave souls.

We are the ones they label deviants.

We are the ones they never fail to ask why we are doing what we are doing.

We are the ones who question your ‘common sense’.

We are the ones who believe in change.

To all my friends; my kindred spirits: step forth with courage into the society we have tried to make sense of and will continue to make sense of. 

“Today’s the day my life begins. Today I become a citizen of the world. Today I become a grown up. Today I become accountable to someone other than myself and my parents. Accountable for more than my grades. Today, I become accountable to the world. To the future. To all the possibilities that life has to offer. Starting today, my job is to show up wide eyed and willing and ready. For what, I don’t know. For anything. For everything. To take on life. To take on love. To take on the responsibility and possibility. Today, my friends, our lives begin. And, I for one can’t wait.”

             –Becca, Valedictorian Speech on Grey´s Anatomy

Sleepless Night

She staggered into bed.

She staggered out of bed. 

Her vision fades.

Thoughts invade.

The million and one thoughts, all fighting with one aim in mind-to win the war of "her attention" and what a fight! 

Sleep had no chance, it had no might, but oh it fought, and damn did it fight! 

She closed her eyes, she turned to the left.

She opened her eyes and cursed death.

Helplessly she tries, to make out the time,

but darn those myopic eyes, they must as well mime.

The alarm went off, she got on her feet, 

she then arranged her pillows and folded the sheets.

She thought and thought and oh did she think! 

Those million and one thoughts, boy were they were finks!

The wire swayed, 

the girl dismayed. 

What to do now?

How now, brown cow?

She did what she did, what a deed indeed!

She drafted a post, this self-indulgent verbose!

Later

There are just so many things I want to do but I just never seem to get down to doing them. Like how I wanted to draw Christmas cards for everyone but it is 5 days to Christmas and I there is not a stitch of color on those gleaming white cards. Terribly ashamed of myself, I typed a public apology to my friends on facebook. I HAVE although been thinking about drawing one, scanning it and sending everyone e-cards ala secondary school style but these are still very green thoughts and I most likely (99.99999%) would not get down to doing it.

I am the worst sort of procrastinator. I really am. I really think I got through school because of all those dratted deadlines and even with them, I had to go through the "why-did-i-not-do-this-earlier?"-tearing my hair out-crazy cranky phase, including listening to the bf nag about my poor time-management skills to churn out copies of 20-paged,double-spaced, justified, Times New Roman size 12, APA cited, bibliography-ed intellectual-sounding (hopefully) essays. Of course, reading required readings are not one of my strengths either which means that you would see me in the Central Library level 6 almost every day for weeks leading up to dooms-days aka exams days. Although, in order to see me,it does require you frequenting the library as much as I do and that can mean just about one thing eh? Hehe. I have to say though, I would totally take reading readings and taking exams over essay-writing any time! Honest. A note to add? Honours semester really just means doing all of the above at super duper,ecstasy-high speed! (Which is really what I have been doing for the past few months but hey,not trying to justify my tres long absence by the way.

Ok, maybe just a little! Teehee.

Another example of how my bff frienship with procrastination is ruining my life? I wanted to blog about these awesome Blackberry-Apple Galettes from summer months ago and here I am, writing this post in the depths of December!

Well, yeah, at least I got own to doing it right? (Albeit it being months late!) Unlike the million and one things sit on my "later" shelf that is smothered with more than an inch-thick of dust and would most likely sit there waiting for the next dust storm! So about these awesome things, what is there really to say about them besides the usual string of synonyms for "delicious"?

It truly is and you should make them for yourselves. They are my definitely one of new (or should I say old, since months have technically passed) favourite things!

Looking at them truly makes me want to go out, grab the ingredients and make them immediately but knowing me (from this post),I am still sitting here thinking about doing it. Hope you have better luck at getting your arse off that plushy cushion of yours and start making some of these babies!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

P.S If you have time and an ice cream maker, you should try making the burnt sugar ice cream because it sounds just about heavenly!

Living in the clouds

It is time to come down to earth.

Forever

I want to promise you forever but I do not believe in forever-s. So for now, love me like i love you and maybe we will get to the place where our forevers go together.

Happy Anniversary my love.

half inspired by this.

Missing

Missing. 

That is where I have been.

Missing.

That is what I have been doing.

Missing.

That is what I will be doing.


Sorry to start off on such a sombre tone but believe me it is anything but. Ok. Maybe it is kind of semi-melancholic. I mean, to be lost in a forest of readings, essays, presentation and deadlines? Sad. To have my friends leave me to fly to Melbourne, Nagoya, Christchurch? Lonely. To find out the bf is almost for definite going on exchange next year? :(((

So yes, my life is dreary and rather gloomy at the moment. Missing my friends and going to miss you? It certainly does not help when my oven decides to be cranky and I have to give up baking which was my provider of solace. Sigh.

Oh well, moving on like how we have to move on in life, to make up for my absence and for those who are missing summer, here is some (blackberry-blueberry) pie!

Is it not gorgeous?! 

The beautiful buttery crust, the cute little pastry star cut-outs and the thick berry-full filling? 

Tell me, how can I not be in love with it?

 

Although I swear I am truly and madly a pie fan (like how if you say pie and I say aye!), I hardly make pies. Even if I do, I usually just stick to making the good ole apple pie. But,what? Whyyyy? 

A couple of reasons really but besides the fact that good berries at a good price, or rather good berries are scarce here, making pie dough is scary! 

Oh sure, there are fool-proof recipes and pie tips are aplenty but tell me, even as you take out your 'followed to the tee' pie dough from the fridge, you are crossing your fingers that it will roll out properly. Your hands shake as you attempt to mimic the professional looking folds in the recipe picture and your crimping skills more often than not fail you. Then, you agonize and pace around (in your head) and hope it will bake beautifully in the oven. Your heart palpitates just a little faster than usual as you cut out a slice hoping it would not crumble in front of your eyes. As you sink your fork into the slice of pie, you wish desperately that the fork would not get stuck in a soggy bottom. You then worry about whether the pie crust tastes as good as it looks as you savour the intermingling of flavours in your mouth. The emotional roller-coaster ride ends either with you heaving a sigh of relief (literally) and filling your mouth full of that darn good piece of pie or with you stuffing your mouth full of your soggy,crumbled, no-good pie to drown your baking sorrows.

Of course, it ain't as dramatic as that or maybe it is but the bottomline is: making pie dough is scary! You have just read a paragraph of baking anxiety so maybe we should all keep calm and have (a look at) some pie!

Are you abit calmer now? I am. I think staring at stars calms me. Even if they are just pastry cut-outs. Haha. For the better remedy, I suggest eating this baby! I mean pies are comfort food!

So you have had your slice and peace is made between you and me, what is there left to do except to have more pie? Go! Make some pie even though it is scary. (What is life without some challenge?) Go! Make some pie even if you do not have berries. (There is always apple, steak, custard and cream!) Go! Make some pie and you will find that the world seems a bit better, your future looks a bit brighter and you will be a bit happier( like I am now! Hehe).

Some pie notes:

I made this gorgeous pie following her recipe. Fantastic lady! Check out her cute baking videos.

I have to say in all honesty though that I think the crust was flaky and lovely and all that but I still prefer the pie crust in the recipe I used for my apple pie.