Am I not worth fighting for?

In love?

In love with the feeling of being in love?

Half-year; Half-life

6 months has passed. Yes, exactly 6 months. Since my last post anyway. So, how are you?

Colors of the Wind

 

 

Blue-green trio.

Seeking Comfort

There is always going to be a totally "skfhkhfe" time.
So what do you do?
What do I do?

Let me count thee ways.

Firstly, I started ingesting a lot more alcohol. Not the most healthy thing to do but hey, a way to cope is a way to cope. I do not even like alcohol. Really. Honestly.

Secondly, I started to do a lot more and think a lot more about doing things by myself. If you know me, that is practically breaking new ground in Amy's world. I do not go anywhere myself; I can hardly keep quiet for five minutes for goodness sake! I mean yes, I have my "Me-times" which usually involves massive holing up at home (sprawled on the couch or baking in the kitchen) or hiding in ze library lost in the world of make-believe, so yes, breaking new ground here. Here is a list of things that I have done or am thinking of doing alone (if you care to read that is):

Grab a/a few drinks at a bar
Get lost in the night sky scenery/staring at MBS for 2 hours in 4 plus-inch heels
Spend a whole afternoon in the bookstore
Dine at a restaurant/Table for one
Work late in the office till 12am (not by choice really)
Chill at the beach
Go to the movies
Ride a bicycle
Travel to San Fran + Vegas
And the list will go on.

Thirdly, sleep! A. Lot.
Escapism at its best!

Fourthly and I believe we all do this, we make/buy and eat comfort food. Repeat. And again.
So, one of the my go-to comfort food would be brownies. Not just any old Blondie but thick, intense, fudge-y chocolate brownies. And well pies, pies and all things pastry.



I made these babies for a potluck I was going to. Wellllll, not really. Le brothers ate the chocolate tart I made for the potluck so bringing the brownies was sort of the back-up plan. Being the back-up plan meant that I had to rack my brains to make them not back-up-ish, so I melted some dark chocolate and crushed up some extra chocolate pastry left over from making the chocolate tart,



chopped up some macadamia nuts,



swirled some mint chocolate,



et voila!


Well, here's to you and your coping mechanisms to get through all the "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz" times in your lives! Cheers!



*Burp

New World

Hi.

I missed you. How have you been?

It is amazing, this concept of time. A second can seem like an eternity and likewise, an eternity can last like a second. In less than a quarter of a year, the “life” that I know so well ended and I am trying to live in this new world. Change? Easier said than done.

Answering “Ok, I am fine” to the simple question of “How are you?” that used to require the most minimal amount of effort now requires so much emotional work.  An “Are you Ok?” can cause a whole waterfall of tears to fall rather than replying with a customary nod or smile. Of course, all this will pass and I will eventually get back to the routine of performing simple customaries (or not). Before that though, I am going to be stuck firmly in the seat of an emotional roller-coaster that spins indefinitely and I cannot do anything about it.

An optimist I am not. I see half-empty cups and I know the world is far from being a happy place. However, as much as I am skeptical about pretty much everything, I do believe in happiness, no matter how short-term and temporal it is. Therefore, in order to get some of these moments of short-lived happiness, I am willing to sink in my whole entire stock of hope.

Will you wish me luck?

Uncertainty

Hi.

It has been a while.

A long while.

Some jinklings-minklings must have wiped out the memory of me pressing the fast-forward, x100 button using whatever smagicz because I had to be the craziest person on earth to even think of pushing the red button. This definitely calls for some serious investigation!

No, seriously.

So, life got in the way. Days were gone in seconds and months in minutes.

Well, just look at it, half the year is gone.

But sometimes, life slows down and by being situated in the period of calm before the storm (i.e slow/slack day at work), it allows you to self-indulge a little and draft a blog entry talking entirely about you, yourself and yourself. So, hello you.

I feel apologetic sometimes for asking people “How are you?”, “Where have you been?”, “What have you been doing?” because by answering these questions myself, I realize their inadequacy. I obviously and definitely cannot summarize my life for the past six months, a year, two years in 15 minutes of monologue or even a one-hour conversation (and neither can you). But hey, no one is expecting a detailed low-down of everything that transpired for the past X months, days or years right? Or maybe you are. Or maybe I am of you?

I hate not being there and I am sure you wish you were here but the truth is that we cannot be there for everything. Although I missed out on X and you missed out on Y, I am still glad that you shared Z and will be here to share future A, B and Cs. Some people try desperately to record and document our lives in any way they can; in ink, in pixels, in cells so that they would have some proof of the happiness, the sadness, the bewilderedness that they experienced at that one point of time. I used to be those people once and still probably am though with much less zeal than before. The main reason was that I got lazy. The important reason was that I realized that moments of our lives are like runaway kites so I am going to enjoy the process of flying the kite. This is not to say that I give up totally and have a “No Documentation” policy, it just means that I will do it when I do it.

All is not lost yet though, here is some chocolate cake I made on I cannot remember when.

P.S I started writing this post since the 22^nd of June and it is now 22^th of August. Everything except this line is 2 months old. I amaze myself sometimes.