Am I not worth fighting for?

In love?

In love with the feeling of being in love?

Half-year; Half-life

6 months has passed. Yes, exactly 6 months. Since my last post anyway. So, how are you?

Colors of the Wind

 

 

Blue-green trio.

Seeking Comfort

There is always going to be a totally "skfhkhfe" time.
So what do you do?
What do I do?

Let me count thee ways.

Firstly, I started ingesting a lot more alcohol. Not the most healthy thing to do but hey, a way to cope is a way to cope. I do not even like alcohol. Really. Honestly.

Secondly, I started to do a lot more and think a lot more about doing things by myself. If you know me, that is practically breaking new ground in Amy's world. I do not go anywhere myself; I can hardly keep quiet for five minutes for goodness sake! I mean yes, I have my "Me-times" which usually involves massive holing up at home (sprawled on the couch or baking in the kitchen) or hiding in ze library lost in the world of make-believe, so yes, breaking new ground here. Here is a list of things that I have done or am thinking of doing alone (if you care to read that is):

Grab a/a few drinks at a bar
Get lost in the night sky scenery/staring at MBS for 2 hours in 4 plus-inch heels
Spend a whole afternoon in the bookstore
Dine at a restaurant/Table for one
Work late in the office till 12am (not by choice really)
Chill at the beach
Go to the movies
Ride a bicycle
Travel to San Fran + Vegas
And the list will go on.

Thirdly, sleep! A. Lot.
Escapism at its best!

Fourthly and I believe we all do this, we make/buy and eat comfort food. Repeat. And again.
So, one of the my go-to comfort food would be brownies. Not just any old Blondie but thick, intense, fudge-y chocolate brownies. And well pies, pies and all things pastry.



I made these babies for a potluck I was going to. Wellllll, not really. Le brothers ate the chocolate tart I made for the potluck so bringing the brownies was sort of the back-up plan. Being the back-up plan meant that I had to rack my brains to make them not back-up-ish, so I melted some dark chocolate and crushed up some extra chocolate pastry left over from making the chocolate tart,



chopped up some macadamia nuts,



swirled some mint chocolate,



et voila!


Well, here's to you and your coping mechanisms to get through all the "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz" times in your lives! Cheers!



*Burp

New World

Hi.

I missed you. How have you been?

It is amazing, this concept of time. A second can seem like an eternity and likewise, an eternity can last like a second. In less than a quarter of a year, the “life” that I know so well ended and I am trying to live in this new world. Change? Easier said than done.

Answering “Ok, I am fine” to the simple question of “How are you?” that used to require the most minimal amount of effort now requires so much emotional work.  An “Are you Ok?” can cause a whole waterfall of tears to fall rather than replying with a customary nod or smile. Of course, all this will pass and I will eventually get back to the routine of performing simple customaries (or not). Before that though, I am going to be stuck firmly in the seat of an emotional roller-coaster that spins indefinitely and I cannot do anything about it.

An optimist I am not. I see half-empty cups and I know the world is far from being a happy place. However, as much as I am skeptical about pretty much everything, I do believe in happiness, no matter how short-term and temporal it is. Therefore, in order to get some of these moments of short-lived happiness, I am willing to sink in my whole entire stock of hope.

Will you wish me luck?

Uncertainty

Hi.

It has been a while.

A long while.

Some jinklings-minklings must have wiped out the memory of me pressing the fast-forward, x100 button using whatever smagicz because I had to be the craziest person on earth to even think of pushing the red button. This definitely calls for some serious investigation!

No, seriously.

So, life got in the way. Days were gone in seconds and months in minutes.

Well, just look at it, half the year is gone.

But sometimes, life slows down and by being situated in the period of calm before the storm (i.e slow/slack day at work), it allows you to self-indulge a little and draft a blog entry talking entirely about you, yourself and yourself. So, hello you.

I feel apologetic sometimes for asking people “How are you?”, “Where have you been?”, “What have you been doing?” because by answering these questions myself, I realize their inadequacy. I obviously and definitely cannot summarize my life for the past six months, a year, two years in 15 minutes of monologue or even a one-hour conversation (and neither can you). But hey, no one is expecting a detailed low-down of everything that transpired for the past X months, days or years right? Or maybe you are. Or maybe I am of you?

I hate not being there and I am sure you wish you were here but the truth is that we cannot be there for everything. Although I missed out on X and you missed out on Y, I am still glad that you shared Z and will be here to share future A, B and Cs. Some people try desperately to record and document our lives in any way they can; in ink, in pixels, in cells so that they would have some proof of the happiness, the sadness, the bewilderedness that they experienced at that one point of time. I used to be those people once and still probably am though with much less zeal than before. The main reason was that I got lazy. The important reason was that I realized that moments of our lives are like runaway kites so I am going to enjoy the process of flying the kite. This is not to say that I give up totally and have a “No Documentation” policy, it just means that I will do it when I do it.

All is not lost yet though, here is some chocolate cake I made on I cannot remember when.

P.S I started writing this post since the 22^nd of June and it is now 22^th of August. Everything except this line is 2 months old. I amaze myself sometimes.

Courage and Strength

Sociology is not for the faint-hearted.

Here’s to all you brave souls.

We are the ones they label deviants.

We are the ones they never fail to ask why we are doing what we are doing.

We are the ones who question your ‘common sense’.

We are the ones who believe in change.

To all my friends; my kindred spirits: step forth with courage into the society we have tried to make sense of and will continue to make sense of. 

“Today’s the day my life begins. Today I become a citizen of the world. Today I become a grown up. Today I become accountable to someone other than myself and my parents. Accountable for more than my grades. Today, I become accountable to the world. To the future. To all the possibilities that life has to offer. Starting today, my job is to show up wide eyed and willing and ready. For what, I don’t know. For anything. For everything. To take on life. To take on love. To take on the responsibility and possibility. Today, my friends, our lives begin. And, I for one can’t wait.”

             –Becca, Valedictorian Speech on Grey´s Anatomy

Sleepless Night

She staggered into bed.

She staggered out of bed. 

Her vision fades.

Thoughts invade.

The million and one thoughts, all fighting with one aim in mind-to win the war of "her attention" and what a fight! 

Sleep had no chance, it had no might, but oh it fought, and damn did it fight! 

She closed her eyes, she turned to the left.

She opened her eyes and cursed death.

Helplessly she tries, to make out the time,

but darn those myopic eyes, they must as well mime.

The alarm went off, she got on her feet, 

she then arranged her pillows and folded the sheets.

She thought and thought and oh did she think! 

Those million and one thoughts, boy were they were finks!

The wire swayed, 

the girl dismayed. 

What to do now?

How now, brown cow?

She did what she did, what a deed indeed!

She drafted a post, this self-indulgent verbose!

Later

There are just so many things I want to do but I just never seem to get down to doing them. Like how I wanted to draw Christmas cards for everyone but it is 5 days to Christmas and I there is not a stitch of color on those gleaming white cards. Terribly ashamed of myself, I typed a public apology to my friends on facebook. I HAVE although been thinking about drawing one, scanning it and sending everyone e-cards ala secondary school style but these are still very green thoughts and I most likely (99.99999%) would not get down to doing it.

I am the worst sort of procrastinator. I really am. I really think I got through school because of all those dratted deadlines and even with them, I had to go through the "why-did-i-not-do-this-earlier?"-tearing my hair out-crazy cranky phase, including listening to the bf nag about my poor time-management skills to churn out copies of 20-paged,double-spaced, justified, Times New Roman size 12, APA cited, bibliography-ed intellectual-sounding (hopefully) essays. Of course, reading required readings are not one of my strengths either which means that you would see me in the Central Library level 6 almost every day for weeks leading up to dooms-days aka exams days. Although, in order to see me,it does require you frequenting the library as much as I do and that can mean just about one thing eh? Hehe. I have to say though, I would totally take reading readings and taking exams over essay-writing any time! Honest. A note to add? Honours semester really just means doing all of the above at super duper,ecstasy-high speed! (Which is really what I have been doing for the past few months but hey,not trying to justify my tres long absence by the way.

Ok, maybe just a little! Teehee.

Another example of how my bff frienship with procrastination is ruining my life? I wanted to blog about these awesome Blackberry-Apple Galettes from summer months ago and here I am, writing this post in the depths of December!

Well, yeah, at least I got own to doing it right? (Albeit it being months late!) Unlike the million and one things sit on my "later" shelf that is smothered with more than an inch-thick of dust and would most likely sit there waiting for the next dust storm! So about these awesome things, what is there really to say about them besides the usual string of synonyms for "delicious"?

It truly is and you should make them for yourselves. They are my definitely one of new (or should I say old, since months have technically passed) favourite things!

Looking at them truly makes me want to go out, grab the ingredients and make them immediately but knowing me (from this post),I am still sitting here thinking about doing it. Hope you have better luck at getting your arse off that plushy cushion of yours and start making some of these babies!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

P.S If you have time and an ice cream maker, you should try making the burnt sugar ice cream because it sounds just about heavenly!

Living in the clouds

It is time to come down to earth.

Forever

I want to promise you forever but I do not believe in forever-s. So for now, love me like i love you and maybe we will get to the place where our forevers go together.

Happy Anniversary my love.

half inspired by this.

Missing

Missing. 

That is where I have been.

Missing.

That is what I have been doing.

Missing.

That is what I will be doing.


Sorry to start off on such a sombre tone but believe me it is anything but. Ok. Maybe it is kind of semi-melancholic. I mean, to be lost in a forest of readings, essays, presentation and deadlines? Sad. To have my friends leave me to fly to Melbourne, Nagoya, Christchurch? Lonely. To find out the bf is almost for definite going on exchange next year? :(((

So yes, my life is dreary and rather gloomy at the moment. Missing my friends and going to miss you? It certainly does not help when my oven decides to be cranky and I have to give up baking which was my provider of solace. Sigh.

Oh well, moving on like how we have to move on in life, to make up for my absence and for those who are missing summer, here is some (blackberry-blueberry) pie!

Is it not gorgeous?! 

The beautiful buttery crust, the cute little pastry star cut-outs and the thick berry-full filling? 

Tell me, how can I not be in love with it?

 

Although I swear I am truly and madly a pie fan (like how if you say pie and I say aye!), I hardly make pies. Even if I do, I usually just stick to making the good ole apple pie. But,what? Whyyyy? 

A couple of reasons really but besides the fact that good berries at a good price, or rather good berries are scarce here, making pie dough is scary! 

Oh sure, there are fool-proof recipes and pie tips are aplenty but tell me, even as you take out your 'followed to the tee' pie dough from the fridge, you are crossing your fingers that it will roll out properly. Your hands shake as you attempt to mimic the professional looking folds in the recipe picture and your crimping skills more often than not fail you. Then, you agonize and pace around (in your head) and hope it will bake beautifully in the oven. Your heart palpitates just a little faster than usual as you cut out a slice hoping it would not crumble in front of your eyes. As you sink your fork into the slice of pie, you wish desperately that the fork would not get stuck in a soggy bottom. You then worry about whether the pie crust tastes as good as it looks as you savour the intermingling of flavours in your mouth. The emotional roller-coaster ride ends either with you heaving a sigh of relief (literally) and filling your mouth full of that darn good piece of pie or with you stuffing your mouth full of your soggy,crumbled, no-good pie to drown your baking sorrows.

Of course, it ain't as dramatic as that or maybe it is but the bottomline is: making pie dough is scary! You have just read a paragraph of baking anxiety so maybe we should all keep calm and have (a look at) some pie!

Are you abit calmer now? I am. I think staring at stars calms me. Even if they are just pastry cut-outs. Haha. For the better remedy, I suggest eating this baby! I mean pies are comfort food!

So you have had your slice and peace is made between you and me, what is there left to do except to have more pie? Go! Make some pie even though it is scary. (What is life without some challenge?) Go! Make some pie even if you do not have berries. (There is always apple, steak, custard and cream!) Go! Make some pie and you will find that the world seems a bit better, your future looks a bit brighter and you will be a bit happier( like I am now! Hehe).

Some pie notes:

I made this gorgeous pie following her recipe. Fantastic lady! Check out her cute baking videos.

I have to say in all honesty though that I think the crust was flaky and lovely and all that but I still prefer the pie crust in the recipe I used for my apple pie.

Graduation Cookies

First things first. The cookie jar looks like it is wearing graduation robes and a mortarboard no? 

Chuckles aside, as you can guess with my mentioning of mortarboards and graduation robes, many of my friends have officially abandoned me and left me to fend for myself in the institution some may call school but students call hell. Of course, for some the walls encase so much warmth as well love that they ensure everyone knows that their school is their second home by wearing their orientation, faculty T-shirts and over that (because the parts of the school has to be kept cold like the LTs and the libraries so that the warmth and love can be felt more intensely) their pullovers which have the letters "NUS" emblazoned in Harvard font at the front. 

 Chuckles aside yet again, I think in our own ways, our school has been our hell, our sanctuary, our teacher and our friend. By leaving, are we leaving a part of us behind or are we are bringing it away with us because it has already become a part of us? Food for thought eh?



Anyway, for the real food (pictures) for thought, these sweet (noun & adjective) jam thumbprints look simply adorable do they not? I was about to give up racking my brains on how to pack these small jewel of a cookie and found some inspiration and a solution from Martha!



As for the rest of the packaging, it is less complicated although no less beautiful. I did spend an incredulous amount of time at the shop though deciding which ribbons I should buy because I really just wanted to buy the whole aisle. I eventually (very hesitantly) put back the armful rolls of ribbon which I hoarded and settled for some greys, whites, yellows, purple and blues.






For my favourite pairing, I absolutely loved the combination of the midnight blue satin ribbon with the white-bluestriped! I think the combination fun and classic and it was just right for the snickerdoodles and chocolate chip cookies! Besides, they do remind a bit of the blue ribbon tags they give out to 1st place cookies in baking fairs in America. Oh, and I know you must be thinking, snickerdoodles again?! But how could I not?! They are so irresistibly delicious!



I of course saved the best for last! Kidding. I love all my cookies equally. Not! Chocolate chip cookies still hold the number one place in my heart but these citrus sables provide some stiff competition! I have made these citrus sables for more than a few times but they never fail to fill my afternoons with citrus goodness! They are really afternoon cookies because they are perfect with that cup of tea. But of course, you would not be breaking any rules if you indulge them for your midnight snacking and morning breakfasting!



I know this post is about 3 months apart from my previous one but forgive me for I have a very good reason that can be summed up in one word: SUMMER! /VACATION! It is back to school again tomorrow and I am totally acting like a bad ex, desperately clinging on to the coat tails of Mr holidays. But I know I will have to let go eventually and embrace the Vampire of Doom, Duke Readings Test Presentations-Exams. So, wish me luck in not getting my life sucked out of me too badly.

Mounds of love

My homemade truffles may not be as good as the ones from here but it was good enough to capture his heart, according to the bf. The story of how we fell in love or rather how he fell in love with me was in actual fact an entrapment in his opinion. It was I, the sultry temptress who employed the clever use of truffles that ensnared his senses and claimed his heart for my own. I know (hope) he jests about the entrapment business but truffles are really one of his favourite things. He gets as excited as a little boy whenever I gift him with these chocolate mounds.

What then can be a more perfect gift than truffles for his belated birthday celebration? In fact, I would go as far as to say that he would rather receive a box of 20 truffles than the crazy amount of things I had baked for him on his last birthday!

Remember how I talked about being a bad friend? I was made a bad girlfriend too because of schoolwork! I had a paper due the next day on his birthday and as I was rushing it, I had absolutely no time to celebrate it with him. Although, I guess I supposedly "celebrated" it for him by flashing a "sign" (pens+foolscap paper) that said "Happy Birthday" at 12am in the library which was where we were the day before his birthday.


We, of course celebrated it properly, truffles and all after our exams and although it was a small affair, it was by no means any less enjoyable.

Many thanks to Brad who bought me a block of awesome chocolate (Haigh's!) from Sydney of which I used to make these lovelies! I would have used the entire block to make these truffles if not for the chocolate mouses residing in my house! As luck would have it however, a friend gifted me with a bar of chocolate from Switzerland which made up for the needed grams! Awesome is it not to have lovely friends?


Since I have made these truffles a million times over with the same recipe, I decided a little change was in order and thus tried out a new recipe. The bf being the bf could not discern between the "new" and the "old" truffles but declared it delicious nonetheless. I thought it pretty tasty although I have to say that I prefer it without the new addition of Grand Marnier. Call me boring but I like my truffles simple.

Some birthday Snicker-whats

Just showing some Snickerdoodle love I gave my friends for their birthdays!

I have not been exactly a good friend this year and I totally blame school. With all the time devoted to academic work and procrastination, I did not have time to get presents, make cards and bake yummies! Since my holidays started 3 days ago, I have been trying to make it up to them, or at least the few that I met with some snickerdoodles! The next few days/weeks/months will be spent on getting belated birthday presents, laboring over cards and baking a lot of treats!

I do suppose I have to look for a summer job soon with the prospect of my cash running out but I managed to convince myself that I have until after I get my results to decide. I mean, I may be looking for a proper job instead by then so it is no point getting my knickers in a twist about getting hired now right? Of course, I really do need the cash but ah well.

Hi procrastination, I can see you waving with all the resumes I have to write, we are going to be best friends again huh? Blahhh. I have nothing, nothing to put in my resume! Boooo. Well, I am off to to eat some snickerdoodles with some ice cream right now and maybe life will be a teensy bit better.

FITS

Remember the fashion show I was talking about in this post? These are just a few pictures from then. I am sorry! Quite a few meme-s up there. No one was there bearing flowers for me or clicking their cameras for me as I went down the runway but there were a whole bunch of friends of friends and new found friends who captured the memories and I guess I am pretty lucky to have a few snapshots! The Bf did bring me out for a big dinner although he was not at the show and that is good enough for me.

Credits: from top (Wilson Chua, Llyod Lee, Becky, Elicia, Esther, Vivian, Alison, Farhan)